Kolby and Me…

I have to say, I love my husband, Kolby, more than any other person I know. Second, only to my Lord Jesus, who died and gave me something worth living for.

I truly believe that Kolby was made just for me. Designed for us to fit together. Not just in home life, but in every way. Not to just get married and populate the world with beautiful children. We were put together for a purpose. Not just companionship, not just relationship, God has a plan for us being together.

He is my best friend, my partner, my mentor, my example, and my standard. He is the love of my life. We were created to perfectly compliment each other. He has taught me how to follow Jesus. Not with mere words, but by the example of his everyday life.

We were both called to do ministry. We were both called to do ministry together. Raise our children together. Work together, support each other, and challenge each other. We were designed, not to divide and conquer life apart from each other. But rather to stand side by side fighting and living this life’s calling together.

I know that some people do not understand how Kolby and I work together. And wonder why we can’t just conform to the way ministry, in their mind, has traditionally been done. I know that there are some ministers that feel you should work the way they do. But the truth is we have ministers today that have gone out and done some seemingly great things but have completely missed it when it came to their own families. I’ve heard some ministers compare ministry to the military. Saying that ministers kids like military kids need to know that it’s for a good cause they work so much. But the truth is if my military kid gets mad because daddy is gone all the time, and ends up hating the military… honestly? Big deal. But if my ministers kid gets mad cause daddy has all the time in the world for the church and for “God” but not him… and in result, he ends up hating God or even just the church for taking daddy away… Well then we have a big problem. Kolby and I firmly believe that our first ministry is to our kids. We can go spend our lives trying to bring change to the world, but if we missed it with our own kids… we’ve missed out on our most important ministry.

Furthermore, I was not set aside for doing Kolby’s laundry, cooking his meals, and raising his children by myself, or to sit at home hoping he’ll have some time for me. But knowing that if he doesn’t “it was for a good cause”. All these things are necessary at times, but it is not my purpose in life. It is not my calling. I was called to be Kolby’s wife. His ministry partner. And Kolby wasn’t designed to take on the world and ministry alone. God gave him a helpmate. Someone to come along side him and work with him. He isn’t there to bring home the bacon.

But I don’t have this problem, I have a husband who loves me like Christ loved the church. I have a husband who has sat with me when I was sick. I have a husband who when I was upset and needed a friend, came straight home to simply hold me. I have a husband who loves ministry, but loves doing ministry with his family more. We have four boys that can grow to be whatever they were created to be. But when they look back they will see that Dad and Mom taught them to know God and make Him known. Some might find that arrogant, it’s no more arrogant than Joshua saying “as for me and my house we will serve the Lord.”

So to all that would say, Kolby is the minister and I am just the wife. To you I say… you are not my God. You do not convict my heart to live one way or the other. God has spoken clearly to me and Kolby. We know how we were created to do ministry together. God has given us a clear vision on how to maintain a balance in our lives. And it does not involve God shifting His position, like I once heard a pastor preach. (This being the same pastor that bragged that he would tell his wife that he didn’t have time for her right then but maybe after the weekend retreat with his staff. And that she would just have to understand.) It does involve us sorting out our priorities. No! His priorities! We need to do the things that really matter. We need to stop starting all these “programs” and thinking that God is under some sort of obligation to finish or bless it. We need to do the things he wants us to do. Not the things we want Him to do for us. We need to grow men and women of God, who truly know Him. We need to grow parents of God, that will lead their children to know God and make Him known!  “And you shall teach them diligently to your sons and shall talk of them when you sit in your house and when you walk by the way and when you lie down and when you rise up.” Deuteronomy 6:7

Let us be ministers who live what we say we believe, especially at home.  Let us lead our families to serve the Almighty God. Not a church. Let us live the difference between the world and the redeemed.

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